


Better Man

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff, Grisha Yeager makes a brief appearance as- the idiot father., Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Marriage, Minor Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Minor Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Physical Abuse, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:07:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4899664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger has been keeping secrets his whole life. But when his twenty-third birthday comes along, something changes.</p><p>A songfic to the song Better Man by Pearl Jam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Man

**Author's Note:**

> I think this might be my best fic yet, I am really proud of it! I hope you enjoy, and as always, please leave your thoughts and criticism in the comments!
> 
> If you listen to the song with the fic, it makes a lot of sense. I cried when I wrote it, so I hope it gives you the same emotions as well! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbpUfWz-rlc Its truly a beautiful song.

*Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop  
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech  
As he opens the door, she rolls over  
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over*

Eren lied awake in bed. He had been tossing and turning all night. He stared out the large, glass window in his apartment, his face illuminated by the moon and eyes glossy from the liquor he had downed before bed to help him sleep, wondering where Mikasa was right now. Probably at work, maybe just on her way home now, it didn’t really matter. She would get home, he would pretend to sleep, and she would just get in bed, without a word. It had been like this for a couple months, and Eren didn’t know how much longer he could take. He loved Mikasa, he loved her so much, she loved him too, but the feelings were not the same. Eren has always known that he was gay. Ever since grade four, he knew, and he also knew that Grisha would beat him if he found out, and boy does he remember the beatings, but children don’t know any better.  
“Daddy, I have a crush.”  
“Oh really, Eren? What’s her name?” Grisha smirked a little, at the innocence of his only child. “His names Jean.” He was met by a slap to the face.  
“Eren, child, take it back.”  
“Daddy!” he screamed “Why?” he gasped for air and bawled, clutching his face and pushing his body away from Grisha. “Eren, never speak of this again. You’ll keep quiet, okay?” He has his finger in the small child’s face now, pinning him against a wall. “Eren, it’s a tough world out there, and I will not have worked my way this far up the ladder to have my reputation ruined by my good-for-nothing son! Are we clear?” Eren just nodded, still crying, “Good, now go to your room.”

*Talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know  
She tells herself, oh  
Memories back when she was bold and strong  
And waiting for the world to come along  
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone*

So he’ll keep quiet about it. There were so many times where he needed to tell somebody, anybody. He once told Armin, his best friend, but Armin just stared at the ground. “Eren.” His expression still blank. “I’m going to tell you something, that I’ve never told anybody. I am gay. You know my Grandpa, he wouldn’t care.” He looked up for the first time in five minutes, resting his hand on Eren’s face, below his healing black-eye. “But Eren, if Grisha ever knew, you’d be dead. You would die, and I can’t be there to stop it, nobody can. Eren, don’t repeat anything that was said tonight, ever. Not to anybody.” Armin was crying now, his head resting against Eren’s forehead, he pressed a kiss to his best friends head, Eren just bawled, glad to be in his car, out of earshot from anybody, so he could just cry as hard as he wanted. “Armin, I need to tell Mikasa.” Armin pushed him against the drivers-side window “Eren?! Are you an idiot?! You and Mikasa are going to get married, okay? Your dad is going to make you and Mikasa get married, you know that, for a fact. So don’t you dare tell Mika, we’ll figure something out, it will be okay.” That night, Armin and Eren slept in the car. The pulled the seats down in the back and just lay there, holding hands and sharing chaste kisses on the forehead between friends, not between lovers. 

At night he tries to remember a time where he was strong, and didn’t care. His partying days were pretty fun. He would get really drunk, and go upstairs with the jocks and forget about Grisha and his everyday life, and he really didn’t enjoy it but its what got him through his high school years, he tells himself. He thought about somebody one day, coming along and sweeping him off of his feet, and leaving. So he could leave, and maybe take his friends with him but not Grisha. He told himself every night, but now the thoughts have left him, and its too late for Prince Charming to save him, and he’s left every night alone, and sad, with nothing but a bottle of Jack Daniels and himself. 

 

*She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man  
She dreams in colour, she dreams in red, can't find a better man  
She lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better man  
She dreams in colour, she dreams in red, can't find a better man  
Can't find a better man  
Can't find a better man  
Yeah*

His thoughts were interrupted by jingling in the front door, he quickly jumped back into bed, pulling the covers over his ears, wiping his tears away.  
“Eren?” she calls.  
Nothing. Silence. Again, as it always has been. She sits on the bed and takes off her shoes, and runs her hands through her hair. “When are you going to leave, Eren? I know you’re awake.” He rolled over and looked at her from behind, confused. “What… What do you mean, Mika?”  
“Eren you’re so sad, all the time, I love you so much, and I wish I could see your face more often but every time I do I wish I had never asked to see it because your beautiful green eyes don’t sparkle anymore, they’re grey and you look like you hate me, but in the softest way possible. Is it something I did? Or is it just not meant to be?” he thought for a second, tears rolling down his face silently. He rolled back over, facing the window once again. “I’m gay,” he said, smirking a little bit at how foreign it sounded on his lips. “I’m going to die now, because my father is going to kill me.” He scoffed, he couldn’t believe this, and he knew Mikasa, she was going to call his dad right now, she was going to tell him, and then Eren was going to die, and he was going to be okay with it. 

But he wasn’t met with screaming, or pain or anything like that. She just leaned over, and hugged him, very tightly. She lifted his shoulders up somewhat and sat him between her legs and just let him cry, and he cried for a long time, and she just rubbed his back, and ran her fingers through his hair and told him everything would be okay. He kissed her cheek and thanked her. “Eren, god, I love you so much. Anybody would be lucky to have you. You’ve spent your whole life, these whole twenty-two years of your life trying to make everybody around you happy, especially Grisha. But I think tonight is the night you let that go, because you’ve been too selfless for too long, and its time for you to be happy.” She smiled, and Eren smiled back through his tears.

*She loved him, yeah, she don't want to leave this way  
She feeds him, yeah, that's why she'll be back again*

Although Eren had lived in New York since he and Mikasa had gotten married, everything was new to him. He felt like he had never seen Time Square, or Central Park because every time he had seen it in the past, his mind was blurred by hatred and depression, he hated New York. But now he loved it, he loved the subway, he loved the pigeons, and the flowers he walked by every morning on his way to work, and the old church on the way to his therapy sessions, and today was an especially nice day. It was his Birthday, he was twenty-three today, and all of his friends were going to take him to a bar downtown to watch the Football game, which he thought was great because he could really go for a pint and some wings. 

He arrived at the bar with Mikasa and Armin, and everybody was already there waiting for him, wearing their football jerseys and drinking. As soon as he walked in the bar erupted with singing, they had really gotten a lot of his friends together. "Happy birthday, Dear Eren! Happy Birthday to you!" They sang as they sat him down. He was blushing really hard, and smiling ear to ear. "I love you guys so much!" he laughed, on the verge of tears. He saw Christa and Ymir on the far end of the bar, keeping to themselves, and Jean and his husband Marco making out not too far from the TV at the top of the bar, he saw Erwin and Hanji, Thomas, Bertolt, Reiner, everybody was there, he was amazed that Mikasa and Armin could even get half of them together, with their busy schedules. He smiled and sat down, Jean stopped necking with Mr. Jean Kirstein-Bodt and slapped Eren on the back, "Can we get a pint over here for the birthday fella?!" Jean yelled over the commotion of the crowded bar, Eren chuckled, "Congratulations, again, Jean. I haven't seen you since the wedding." Jean smiled really big and took a sip of his beer, "Its all good, man." he grabbed Marco's hand "I'm just glad that you're happy." Jean finished his drink, "Okay, Guys! Present time!" 

Eren, already a little buzzed, waved to Mika and walked to the bathroom in his brand new Giants jersey with his name on it, really in need of a pee. He smiled and giggled to himself the whole way there, he couldn't believe this. He knew it was already the best night of his life. He left the stall and walked to go wash his hands, turning to look at the man at the sink beside him. He was beautiful, a work of art. Raven hair, grey eyes, and very muscular. He was Eren's ideal in every way. The man looked back at him and made a Tch noise, "Is something wrong?" Eren just laughed, surprised at the low tone of voice the short man had, "No, no! Just... Just admiring the view." Eren hiccuped and scoffed at himself, since when did he become that confident? The man rolled his eyes, "Its your birthday, right?"  
"Yeah," Eren wrung his hands, "Sorry if were causing a commotion for you.I've just been going through a tough time, and my friends are really trying hard to help me get through it." but the guy just laughed, "I came with Hanji and Erwin, they wanted me to meet you. They talk about you all the time." Eren was befuddled, he couldn't believe it. "Really? Why is that?" Levi shook his head, turning off the water. "I uh- I just broke up with my boyfriend and I guess you could say things have been a little rough for me too, they thought that maybe we would get along? I mean, you're very young. You're also a brat, from what I hear. But you're very cute, and I would like to give it a try." Eren couldn't believe his ears, but this was totally something Hanji and Erwin would do, "Would you like to go for coffee sometime, Eren?" Eren grinned as wide as his face, "I would love to! Whats your name?" he said to the man, handing him his phones with a new contact open. "Levi Ackerman," he said, finishing up, Levi passed the phone back to Eren, leading him out of the bathroom with a hand on his lower back, "Say, the games almost over, and everybody will probably head home after that. Want to come over for a movie and some coffee?" Eren asked, surprised at how confident he was acting, Levi snickered and gave him the smallest smile, "Sure, brat. I'd love to."

*Can't find a better man*


End file.
